This is a tough post to write. I tried yesterday and gave up. But, I think there is an important lesson here for all of us.

One of my students is going to fail the summer school class.

It hurts.

I feel like I have failed.

I could get into a long explanation of her struggles, but the short version is that she overestimated her ability to do it all in a world that rewards busyness and where exhaustion is worn as a badge of honor.

Summer school is not for the faint of heart when you work in K-12 education. The summer term overlaps with the school year on both ends. Educators are at their busiest in May and August while trying to find time to start and finish a pretty intensive summer school experience. But taking two courses means one more semester towards the goal and especially for my library science masters’ students, a potential upward career move.

This student told me she was impatient to get finished. How hard could it be? Just 14 weeks, a few late nights, a little stress over deadlines. But, she has kids, and it’s summer vacation for them, too. Every summer is another one gone to spend camping and swimming and just hanging out. It would be nice for the work/life balance to swing in the life direction for once.

I was reminded of the conversation sparked by British businesswoman Emma Grede‘s comments about being a three-hour mom. While she makes some time on the weekends for her four children ages ten months to eight years old, she is also clear about needing time for herself. Her comments, of course, received some backlash, but she was unapologetic. Men, she noted, are lauded when they spend 60 hours a week working. If women are going to have the same opportunities to succeed as entrepreneurs and business leaders, ideas about their role in their children’s lives have to change.

So, Emma Grede has made a decision that her work/life balance swings towards work, which may be why she is worth $300 million dollars. She is not bothered by the mundane routines of life like cooking and laundry and dusting. She and her husband employ a staff that includes a chief of staff, nannies, housekeepers and a private chef.

Another way to think about work/life balance is to redefine balance as integration. That is how Donna Morris, an executive vice president at Walmart, describes her approach. It is how I see my sister, the chief financial officer for an investment company, operate when we visit together. She may answer an email while we wait for our lunch or take a phone call as we relax on her porch; a family visit may include her disappearing into another room for a meeting before we head out to go shopping. Her work seems to be her life but it is really just part of the life she is living.

In the end, we all have to decide on our priorities. If you are going to start a business, work is going to be the priority. Are you prepared for what that means for the rest of your life, especially your family? Would you be happy only spending three hours with your children? What about your spouse? And perhaps the most important question: what are your physical and emotional limits? Just how much stress can you take?

We all have limits.

My student learned her limits the hard way this summer. I hope she carries the lesson forward when choosing how to spend her limited time and energy. Maybe being more than a three-hour mom is more important to her than finishing her program early. Maybe her definition of success is more personal than professional.

I learned my limits over the course of several years when I was consulting on multiple projects that required extensive travel. I tired of airplanes and hotel rooms and whirlwind trainings pretty quickly and begin reconsidering how I wanted to earn a living.

We can admire women leaders like Emma Grede and Donna Morris without feeling like we have to emulate them in our own lives. Sure, I could find something to do with $300 million but, honestly, I’m not willing to work that hard even for a personal chef.