Category Archives: thinking out loud

The Karen Conundrum

Life, thinking out loud,

I am a white woman named Karen. That means that I routinely see my name used as a shorthand for privileged white women asking to see the manager. And, because “karens” are portrayed as complainers, I find myself sucking it up. After all, complaining would just prove that I am a “karen.”

In August 2020, Helen Lewis wrote in The Atlantic, “Karen has become synonymous with woman among those who consider woman an insult. There is now a market, measured in attention and approbation, for anyone who can sniff out a Karen.”[3] Lewis also noted what she called the “finger trap” of the term, saying “What is more Karen than complaining about being called ‘Karen’? There is a strong incentive to be cool about other women being Karened, lest you be Karened yourself.”[3]

Karen. (2025, May 26). In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_(slang)

Today, I decided to push back a bit. I recently joined a welcoming community of women. This morning’s email used the karen slur twice, once in the email subject line and then in the message itself. I replied to let them know that this did not make me feel welcome. I received a lovely apology and an offer to cancel my account, but I plan to remain.

I do have a sniggle of guilt for speaking up probably from growing up in the “if you can’t say something nice” era. Plus, I hate to make another human being feel badly about themselves. But, a slur is a slur, and if your stated goal is to be welcoming, language must be a priority.

When Everything Is Amazing

thinking out loud,

I signed up for an online art fest that began today and features a wide variety of artists teaching workshops over the next two weeks. I pulled up a video on sketching birds. The organizer used the word amazing three times in the first minute: it was “amazing” that the presenter was from Canada; it was “amazing” that she was back for a second year; and we were “amazing” for joining them. She is not alone, in my humble opinion, in overusing amazing as an adjective.

Merriam-Webster defines amazing as “causing astonishment, great wonder, or surprise” and their example is “an amazing story of personal bravery and survival.” I am neither surprised nor astonished that a presenter was able to join us from Canada nor that she joined in for a second year. As for my presence being amazing, I did sign up for the event and received a reminder email this morning, so it’s not much of a surprise that I am watching a video.

Merriam-Webster’s thesaurus lists 140 synonyms and similar words for word amazing. I would suggest that it was wonderful to have the presenter from Canada join us for the second year. And, while not a synonym for amazing, I might have said I was grateful for the viewers who chose to tune in to the video.

The English language qualifies to be described as amazing, I think, with a depth of expression that can move us from surprising to amazing to awe-inspiring. The next time you are tempted to describe something as amazing (or awesome as I think that gets overused as well), consider using a different adjective that gets at the heart of what you are trying to say.

Or, maybe we should just accept that everything is awesome and amazing:

Virginia’s Segregationist Past Continues to the Present

Education, thinking out loud, ,

I am always surprised when fellow Virginians look confused when I mention the state’s history related to segregation, especially the massive resistance that took place after Brown vs. Board of Education was passed in 1955. I have written about this attempt to continue segregation before and spent time at the Moton Museum in Farmville, learning more about the courage of the state’s African Americans as they struggled for a quality education for their children. I would like to think that any attempt to make up for this shameful past would be lauded, that is not the case, even in 2025.

Please take time to read J.W. Caterine’s substack post about the failed attempt to rename James Blair Middle School, located in James City County, Virginia, that took place this year. It is a reminder that many Virginians, including those in power, care little for making up for the past.

Digging In, Literally & Figuratively

Artificial Intelligence, design, gardening, politics, thinking out loud, ,

I am a gardener, primarily flowers but also some vegetables. I have somewhat extensive gardens that, in April, demand a lot of attention as they emerge from their winter slumber. I spend several days cleaning up, renewing my war on wire grass and duckweed. I unwrap the hydrangeas from their burlap coats and examine them to see if this year they might bloom. There are perennials to be divided and relocated, lily and gladiola bulbs to be planted, and lots of seeds from zinnias to hyacinth bean vine to wildflower mixes to be spread far and wide.

Spring Garden

This year, I scaled back the vegetables to onions, garlic, San Marzano tomatoes, sweet peppers and jalapenos. My herbs are scattered amongst the flowers, often in pots, and include parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme (sorry for the ear worm!) along with oregano, basil, chives, and chamomile. I had great success with ginger last year. The rhizomes came from a Giant in Northern Virginia where I often stop for a break. I bought them at the same store last year and ended up with 4 pounds or so of ginger. Hoping to have the same luck this year, but I know there is really nothing about gardening that can be considered a sure thing. I am optimistic, however, as they had solid knobs indicating they hadn’t been treated to stop growth.

So, that is both the literal digging in as well as my excuse for not following up after my semi-optimistic meeting. I have been outside. Or visiting my elderly parents in Pennsylvania. Or walking the new dog. Or finishing up the spring semester when I taught three classes. April was busy.

But, this morning, I dug in figuratively. I have been spending quality time with ChatGPT and have found it helpful in doing research. I specifically want to create flyers that I can post in my local post offices as that is where we all get our information. I focused on Medicaid as my county has one of the higher rates in Virginia, at 23.2%. I was able to tweak the message for my audience and then used a Canva template to create the final product. I have a couple copies printed and will get them posted. If you would like access to my template, message me privately and I will send it along. I am now working on focused on the more affluent population, largely retirees, across the James River in Williamsburg and James City County. Stay tuned.

Feeling A Little Less Helpless

advocacy, politics, thinking out loud, ,

I met with the Jameson Babb, Chief of Staff for Senator Lashrecse Aird, my Virginia state Senator. I reached out to ask what, besides making phone calls or sending postcards, I might do to feel a little less helpless. I also had a couple ideas I wanted to share with him to see if they would be worth the time and energy.

It was one of the best meetings I have had for a long time. I had an informal agenda, and we covered most of my topics plus a lot more ground in 30 minutes. I left with immediate ideas for where to begin, including starting a women’s group ala The Liberal Women of Chesterfield, who were the powerhouse behind getting Abigail Spanberger, current candidate for Virginia governor, elected in the first place. Their mission statement is fiercely progressive:

LWCC strives to be a safe haven for liberal women and their allies to support, educate, and encourage one another to be actively involved in our government; and, furthermore, seeks to advance advocacy issues and
campaigns that align with our progressive values of inclusivity and equal rights for all people.

As I read it, I was reminded of an episode from Season 3 of The West Wing, when President Bartlett is running for his second term. Bruno Gianelli, the high paid consultant played powerfully by Ron Silver, designs ads that skirt campaign finance laws (this was 2001 so before Citizens United basically gutted them completely). Sam Seaborn pushes back because he thinks they should have a higher standard, the “we go high” philosophy of more contemporary times, and Bruno makes an impassioned speech about not apologizing for being liberal and progressive and believing that government can do good things for its people to improve their lives:

If you are interested in some of the other ideas that came out of my meeting and possibly connecting with other women, get in touch.

Meanwhile, I feel a little less helpless and a little more empowered. If you have a “friendly” state representative, I encourage you to reach out to them.