Category Archives: thinking out loud

Daily-ish

Meditation, thinking out loud, writing

I have a daily routine, and it has been nice to be able to make it the focus of the morning rather than sometimes hurrying along before starting work. I have settled into semi-retirement enough that the work I am doing–facilitating a course on curriculum writing for Futures Without Violence, a nonprofit focused on domestic violence–has its place but doesn’t need daily oversight.

I usually get some part of the routine done every day. I generally draw a tarot card or two and write two or three pages, ala Julia Cameron’s morning pages. I try to do it first thing in the morning but am not always successful. Some mornings I just want to pick up the book I fell asleep over the night before. Other mornings, like yesterday, I head outside to the garden in order to get the work done before the heat of the day settles in. On those days, I may do some or none of the routine. *

Yesterday, I broke a 40-day meditation streak. I am disappointed, but it’s really ok. I try to think of the practices as “daily-ish,” a term I picked up from Dan Harris, creator of 10% Happier, the meditation app I use. The app tracks daily and weekly progress. When they do a focused challenge, you have to complete 90% in order to earn the gold medal. It seems a humane approach to me.

I am a little disappointed that I broke the streak. Today, I began again with the app. But, I am pretty sure I *did* meditate yesterday even if the app wasn’t tracking it**: while I was weeding vegetables, cooking dinner, walking dogs. I practiced focusing on just that one thing, open awareness of the world around me, not following random thoughts, coming back to the task when I did get lost in story. So, I am putting the lessons learned from the app into practice and that’s more important than any streak in an app.

*The ONLY part of the routine I always do is my four-shot latte. It is non-negotiable to the point that, if I can, I take my small espresso machine with me when I travel.

**The existential question for our time: if the app wasn’t tracking it, did it really happen?

Esoteric Systems

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Zodiac symbol with sun in the center

I bought my first deck of Tarot cards in 2000 or so at, of all places, The Vermont Country Store. It was in the toy and game section and was a fun version with Jack and Jill looking comic characters. Twenty plus years later, I own multiple decks and use the cards on a daily basis as part of my own self-reflection and writing practice.

I have begun to explore astrology and its connection to Tarot. I haven’t done much with astrology beyond reading a daily horoscope but am enjoying diving deeper into this system. I choose that word–system–carefully as I don’t like the popular alternative: pseudo-science. Systems like Tarot and astrology provide insight and guidance into connecting with the material and spiritual worlds.

I happened to catch this Newsy segment on the rising popularity of astrology that has led to it being a billion dollar industry. In the business world, these systems are called “mystical services.” It included a reference to Chani Nicholas, an astrologer I have followed for some time. Her book, You Were Born For This, is a popular book about astrology. I like her style and approach to integrating astrology and tarot and her approach to running her business:

We’re a queer, feminist-led tech and media company on a mission to make astrology and its wisdom accessible to everyone as a tool for self-discovery, mindfulness, and healing. Folks who are queer, trans, non-binary, Black, Indigenous, people of color, disabled, parents, are/have been system-impacted, are immigrants, and anyone who has experienced systemic oppression and/or gender-based violence are encouraged to apply.

https://chaninicholas.com/careers/

I was disappointed that Chani was just mentioned. The Newsy segment relies on Kay Taylor, the president of the Organization of Professional Astrology, for commentary. She remarked that some people, including her, have always made money with astrology:

I have supported myself and my family as a single mother since the very beginning. So, it was possible to make a living, and many astrologers made a living, but most of us… we were operating out of the back bedroom of our house or doing readings at the kitchen table. 

https://www.newsy.com/stories/how-astrology-turned-into-billion-dollar-business/

I was immediately reminded of the Owens family in Alice Hoffman’s Practical Magic series. Their magic took place around the kitchen table, helping other women with physical and spiritual healing, welcoming those who had to sneak away from their homes to find the light in the darkness. Taylor worries that with growing popularity and big money will come exploitation and the loss of that kitchen table connection. I wonder if the mindfulness movement might be in danger of the same thing.

My advice for finding a path if you are interested in these esoteric systems? Give yourself time to consider what you are looking for and use that as a guide to find your teacher. I wanted to learn *about* astrology in a formal way as well as connecting with its real-life application so Chani was the perfect guide for me. I also touch base with Chris Corsini, from time to time as he does Tarot readings and New Moon and Full Moon workshops and hearing his interpretations of Tarot cards and astrology have helped me deepen my understanding.* Corsini, who does not identify as deaf, has made accessibility a hallmark of his work. This interview provides insight into his work as an artist, astrologer and tarot reader.

*Warning: Chris uses what my mother would call “salty” language. As a practitioner of the art myself, I am not bothered but he may not be the right fit for everyone.

Current Events

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This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is peace-of-wild-things.jpg

Took a long leisurely drive to Abingdon, Virginia, in far southwest Virginia, one of my favorite parts of the state. I listened to a book and then music on the radio. As I have for some time, I avoided the news. And, I’ve been avoiding writing about the news as well. But, I worry that posts about gardening and reading might be considered frivolous in our chaotic, stridently divided world. On the other hand, these are the things that help me from plunging into despair. Another mass killing, another black person gunned down, another bigoted law passed. I am even having trouble getting through the 15-minute Up First podcast from NPR that I used to enjoy as I made my morning coffee. There seems to be nothing to celebrate and many things to grieve.

This article from The New York Times provided some perspective on how I might move forward. It quotes a variety of experts including one of my favorite meditation teachers, Sharon Salzberg. In fact, I wrote about Salzberg’s book, Real Change, in this same context. Salzberg herself took some criticism when, in response to families being separated at the border, she organized a world-wide loving-kindness meditation. How can meditation change anything? She replied that she was ONLY meditating but that meditation gave her the strength to battle the negative forces. And, she was one of the Buddhist leaders who openly condemned the practices on the border. This interview gives you a taste of Salzberg at her best.

The image is of a collage using one of my favorite poems, The Peace of Wild Things, from Wendell Berry. It hangs over my desk. Nature is one of my antidotes to despair. I hope you can find your own.

Boys Can Be Ballerinas

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As a woman of a certain age, it can be easy to think about all the things I was told I could and couldn’t do. I could be a nurse but not a doctor. I could be a teacher but not a principal. I could serve coffee and cookies after church but not serve as an usher during the service.

But, I could be a ballerina and, probably like many little girls, dreamed of floating around the stage in my toe shoes, silky costume flowing around me.

Mired in my own limitation, I am sorry to admit that I didn’t think that much about the messages that boys were getting about what they could and could not do. The American Masters documentary Ballerina Boys reminded me that we all have stories of being told what we could and could not do with our lives. Some, like these dancers, said forget  (or perhaps f***) that, and made their own way. It is a wonderful story and I can highly recommend watching it. You can check out the preview but need a PBS passport account to view the full episode.*

 

*If you do not donate to PBS/NPR already, please consider doing so. A monthly donation of $5 grants you access to an amazing archive!

Being Free Now

Paradigm Shifts, reading, thinking out loud,

When the same message arrives from two different women with pretty different world views within a few minutes of each other, it is meant to be shared, I think.

In her Sunday sermon shared via her subscriber newsletter, Lutheran pastor Nadia Bolz-Weber reminds us of Doubting Thomas who questioned the rebirth of Jesus until he saw where the nails had been driven into his hands. The story, Bolz-Weber says, isn’t about not doubting; instead it is about how Jesus reacted to the doubt. He did not judge or condemn Thomas. He showed him his hands and welcomed him as he was. Jesus doesn’t wait until we are perfect to love us.

Because notice that the text doesn’t say “and when they had repented of what complete asses they had been; and when they had perfected their faith and the purity of their doctrine; and when they had achieved the right condition of personal morality THEN they were worthy of receiving Jesus.”

Sebene Selassie practices Buddhism and is one of my favorite writers and meditation teachers. Her newsletter this week was titled We Are Free. She focuses on the present moment and reminds us that we are free. We are not getting free. We are free now.

She encourages us to take a hard look at the beliefs and structures we hold around all the facets of our lives. She and her husband rethought their living space and how beliefs about the functions of certain rooms were keeping them from really using the space for their own needs. She talked about getting off social media for a few weeks and postponing her newsletter, a decision that focused on her self care rather than the needs or expectations of others.

I really needed that. By that, I mean, the autonomous decision to take care of my damn self.

It is entirely up to me to remember this fundamental truth:  I am a grown-ass adult human, and I AM FREE.

Both women, coming from different belief systems and even world views, are preaching the same message. Stop waiting for perfection, for courage, for solutions. I’ll end with Sebene:

We will not get free once everything is resolved; we ARE free, right in this moment… And this one. If we allow ourselves to feel it.

PS I hope the colorful language these women use is not offensive. I have, as I have gotten older, also begun to get a little saltier so that may be why they both speak to me.